The Origin of the World we Know

This is my first AP of my sophomore year of high school. It is for my humanities class, Stories. In this class, we have been reading different stories, and learning writing techniques. In the first unit, we learned various places etiologies, or origin stories, and then used that to write our own. You can read mine below

In the beginning, there was nothing. And then, in a brilliant flash of light, there was Tom Bergeron, well known television personality, game show host, comedian and actor.

The first thing Tom created was the stars. And it came to Him, in a vivid pulse of prophecy. Dancing with the Stars. Tom didn’t know what dancing was yet, for it did not exist. Nonetheless, He began His work. He spent the next period (who knows how long, for He had yet to invent time) pondering, and thinking, and working. He built worlds, galaxies, infinite times over. He twisted thin air to his will, and created universes where there had before been not even dust. He had a goal, and this goal was Dancing with the Stars. And He did not know what this was, but that did not stop Him. 

The first world He designed, Ubi Vermis, was crafted entirely out of insect larva, however, as they aged to maturity, they flew away, leaving nothing behind. Yet, from this tragedy we gained meteor showers. 

Another was left alone for a week, and since there was so much water, it grew moldy. This world was known as Mouchlias, and not being able to save it was one of His greatest regrets. 

There were other iterations, many iterations, yet I cannot tell you exactly how many, for He had not invented numbers. 

One day, after a particularly uneventful trial, He sat down to relax, and ponder, with a book and a nice cup of tea. He put the cup down at a new angle, and it fell, and spilled water and leaves all over His latest incomplete creation, but out of curiosity decided to proceed with it anyways. And it worked. He created intelligent life, and eventually small groups popped up, which turned into villages, which turned into towns, which turned into cities, which turned into the world that you know. The Earth grew like a tall guy I'm friends with named Isaac. I know Isaac sounds like a short mans name, but trust me when I say he's tall. I promise. Scouts honor.

And one day it happened. Dancing with the Stars. A safe haven for retirees with lacking social lives all over the United States of America to watch their favorite washed up and likely racist celebrities do the cha-cha, the samba, the salsa, and even the paso doble! And it was beautiful. And it was everything. And He saw it, up close, hundreds of times. 

And yet, as years went on, and seasons progressed, Tom began to grow tired, and He became bitter with time. "I need air this, I need water that". What was this nonsense? Couldn't they see that those were all superficial? Rough pillars in a grander design than these simple minded mortals could ever even imagine. They needed nothing but DWTS and only DWTS. If they couldn't see his vision then to hell with them. November of 2019, Tom packed his ties and microphone into a bindle and set off. He didn't know where he was going, just that he would need to create it. 

Also, that he would probably miss Mountain Dew: Code Red.

What He didn’t know was that after He left, things on Earth were not good. They got worse, and worse, and worse. It was like the hit Netflix television show Voltron, horrible and getting progressively worse. They saw a pandemic worse than anything in recent history, leadership the quality of damp sourdough, and for some Tomforsaken reason, famous authors who thought it would be a good idea to name themselves after conversion therapists. 

Tom found Himself not knowing what to do with his time. He tried a few times with new worlds, but nothing really felt as good as Earth. He thought about returning, and bringing about a Judgement Day where all humans would be forced to prove themselves and their dancing skills with him as a judge, and didn’t rule it out for the future, but decided to hold off. Tom decided to tune in and see what had become of Dancing with the Stars. He sat down next to his creation table, with a cup of tea, just like at the beginning of the story. His eyes rolled back into his skull as he projected his vision back to Earth, just to check in on Dancing with the Stars. And that was when He saw it, Carole Baskin, dancing the paso doble. Tom quickly returned to consciousness, and his grip on the tea slipped. Before He could even realize it, Tom looked down to see what he had done. He had triggered another Earth. 

“Son of a-